So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We have started to decorate penises.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
