thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
