She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
