He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
