I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
