I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
