i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
