will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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