Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
