Ambien. No doubt about it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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