Someone shit on the floor
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can't turn off my feet"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
