I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
