and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I enjoy the company of your penis
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
