he shaved USA in his pubs
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
