She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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