Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
