So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
