we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
