I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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