im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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