question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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