I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
