i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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