We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
