Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
