She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
