peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
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