the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
