he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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