I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
