My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
