just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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