In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
