I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
