I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
