like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
