The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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