I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
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