can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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