dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
