You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
