Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
