Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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