Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
