I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
