I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
