My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
