Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
