I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
