Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
