i think my tv is drunk
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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