if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
