Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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