tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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