I can text with my tongue
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
